whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize