thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
