Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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