i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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