did you get engaged???
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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