I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
