the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
