Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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