We're facebook friends in real life
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
