her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
