...so i touched it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
