I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
