He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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