Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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