I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
