just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
