He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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