I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
