you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
