toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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