doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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