I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
