sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
