I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.