I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.