just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.