Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.