Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol