i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
