Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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