It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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