brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
