Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
