dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
