Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
