Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
