She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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