maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
did i just pee glitter
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
