You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
love makes seman taste better
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
