I've blown a few things in my day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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