last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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