i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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