Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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