I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
