Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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