i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
did you just send me my own nude
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
