the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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