I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
