i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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