i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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