so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
