my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
