ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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