I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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