My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i'm inner monologue high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
