I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
