My pussy is not your playground.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
