Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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