I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize