He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
