I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
