Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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