Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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