I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
