I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
