It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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