3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
