Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
