Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
