it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
