the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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