were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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