she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
