Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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