I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
