we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
