is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
