just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
