Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
