I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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