Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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