Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
