she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
