Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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