Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
