do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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