Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
