I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
