there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
