Don't you send me to vm
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
