He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
