'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
