dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
