i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
