If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
