i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I understand Curling. That high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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